Dropping two ‘bombs’
In 1986, Pastor Lilian felt a quiet urge to serve Him full-time. “Each time a message on the Great Commission or equivalent was preached, my heart would itch and fill with excitement. I would pray to God to send forth more labourers knowing too well that ‘the harvest is plentiful but the labourers are few.’”
Finally she presented herself as a labourer-in-training in the field, first by doing deputation work for China. She did this through helping to set up two companies, (while still working as an accountant) one of which was a company that published Christian literature in Chinese.
In 1987, Lilian went on her first missions trip to Indonesia. It was on this trip that she became more aware and sensitive to the spiritual needs of the world. She recalled: “The conviction continued to deepen and the peace of God continued to pervade my heart”. Subsequently, these trips extended to East Asia, where she went four times a year when she was studying at Trinity Theological College (TTC).
Pastor Lilian recalls two major milestones in her life that propelled her towards serving in fulltime ministry.
Being the youngest child with seven older siblings, her family doted on her. Her parents, four brothers and three sisters gave her all the care and attention. So it was in this closely-knit and loving environment when she announced her decision in 1988 to serve God in full-time ministry. The family felt like a bomb had exploded in their midst! By then, Lilian had already secured a place at Trinity Theological College (TTC).
However, in the face of strong objections from her family, Lilian backed down, and delayed her TTC education. Even her third brother, a fervent Christian, and later a pastor, objected citing that her parents, who were by then new believers, might be stumbled.
Her mother thought that she had moved on from her decision after Lilian bought a car. The family heaved a sigh of relief. But being a car owner was short-lived. After she got into a minor accident in church, she sold her car on her mother’s advice.
Pastor Lilian dropped the second bomb in a rather silent way. To pave the way to serve in fulltime ministry, and to ‘soften’ the impact, Lilian first resigned from her job. Her father had just suffered a heart attack then, and with the three months’ notice she had to give her company, she used two of these months for missions trips to East Asia.
She returned home eventually– just a day before she enrolled at TTC. On arrival at the airport, she received a slight boost. Her sister-in-law reported to her that her father had been singing with joy a week before her return from East Asia. Pastor Lilian felt that it was “as if the Holy Spirit was preparing my father to receive the news of my full-time decision”.
Still, it would be some time before her father could reconcile himself with his daughter’s decision. Of her first week at TTC, she recalls: “During orientation, my classmates there were all excitedly chatting away, embarking on a new phase of life, while I was ‘scared’, as I hadn’t settled it with the family; that weekend home, a cold war was brewing, and it lasted a week”
What Pushed and What Pulled
Lilian worked as a public accountant for ten years. During this period, there were factors that pushed and others that pulled.
One ‘push’ factor was the pressure of secular work pressing in on her, and took a toll on her spiritual life. She recalls: “As I climbed up the career ladder year after year since graduation in 1980, the demands and responsibilities of my secular job became greater and greater. I knew my spiritual health was being affected. Coupled with the frustration of being a Bible Study leader who lacked training and inadequate time to prepare, I began to ask for the Lord’s guidance concerning my future service for Him”.
From 1980 to 1983, after graduating from university, Lilian was caught up in the paper chase, like most of her peers. She studied for a Bachelor of Laws (LLB) degree as an external student with the University of London. However, after completing a year, she had to stop due to her very busy work schedule.
Nonetheless, she was able to complete her studies to be certified for the Institute of Chartered Secretaries & Administrators. Lilian realised that some things had to be done, while others would come to pass. Even at this early stage of her adult life, God’s hand was already guiding her, granting her some yesses and some nos.
In fact, God was not just guiding her – He had been also gently tugging or pulling her towards Him. She was first exposed to the faith when she was in Secondary One at a Christmas service in her third brother’s church. She remembered: “My heart was filled with joy as I heard the hymn “Joy To The World” sung for the first time”.
Later, in Secondary Three, she was invited to a Youth For Christ (YFC) meeting by a school-mate from her brother’s church. Here, she remembers: “I was confronted with the love of God and was convicted that without Christ, I was a lost sinner. Without hesitation, I made a decision to accept Christ into my life”.
From then onwards, her spiritual food came only from the YFC. While she was able to attend YFC meetings regularly, she was only allowed to go to church during the school holidays. Subsequently she also participated in the Campus Crusade For Christ (CCC), Navigators and Varsity Christian Fellowship (VCF). In 1981, at 23 years old, she was baptised.
Her first missions trip to Indonesia opened her eyes to the need to save the unevangelised. She would pray for God to send forth more labourers knowing too well that “the harvest is plentiful but the labourers are few”. At that point, she dared not pray or offer herself for fulltime service to God in case she became the answer to her own prayers.
On the home front, it really warmed her heart to witness members of her family, one by one, turn to God. For Pastor Lilian, this was a strong testimony to how God worked, especially given the fact that she grew up in a typical Chinese family where ancestral worship was practiced. Early inspirers were a Christian neighbour who became a missionary with Logos, and a cousin who married a pastor.
She was gradually but surely pulled in the direction that she was being ‘groomed’ for.
An Accountant Prepares
As Pastor Lilian sought God’s will for her, she took steps to prepare herself.
Over the two years of seeking His will, she enrolled for the Lay Leadership programme1 at Trinity Enrichment Centre. She was among the first batch of students who graduated in February 1990.
Pastor Lilian sensed God’s calling to the pastoral ministry sometime in 1994. Attending a Life Service Retreat2 in May 1995 was very helpful, as it further intensified her hearing of the call.
Pastor Lilian recalled: “Deep within me, I knew that He had more in store for me as I listened for stronger and more recurring signals. I thanked the Lord that the initial impression had grown to a sustained conviction”.
Even the people who worked with her ‘pushed’ her towards God’s calling. In her first year as Pastoral Team Member (PTM) at Fairfield Methodist Church (FFMC), both pastors, Rev Noel Goh and Rev Sam Goh urged her to join the ordained ministry, and to go where her many giftings would be better utilised.
True to the accountant in her, Pastor Lilian applied the discipline of precision and accuracy in diving deep to seek God and to confirm if she was indeed meant to serve God fulltime. She set out on a rigorous process of seeking after God. She self-checked that her preparation was in tandem with the promptings of His voice and those of her heart in obedience.
Her reflections on the journey reads like an accounting narrative. Yet as she began to examine her motives for fulltime ministry, she recalled: “I knew that God would not disclose His will to me if I insisted on a prior audit of His plan”.
For five years, between 1994 to 1999, Lilian was uncertain if the call was from the Lord. She counted the cost, trying to further ascertain the genuineness of the call. She recalled – “in these five-odd years, the Lord continued to prompt me with the pastoral call. This ‘unsettled’ issue bugged me persistently”. Understandly so, as this issue was far more complex than a set of accounts that could be audited to evaluate its validity. This is how she viewed her decision– “it’s irreversible” – I needed to accept myself – if I can’t accept myself, how can I expect others to accept me?”
She continued: “I told the Lord a number of times that if He wants me to enter the ordained ministry, He has to confirm it through the church leadership. Over the years, a number of pastors and leaders had occasionally encouraged me to enter the pastoral ministry. Even then I remained unsure if the call was valid. By then, my mother, and also my third brother who was already in theological school, had often wondered why I did not become a pastor”.
Without sharing with anyone, Pastor Lilian asked the Lord specifically for three persons to speak to her about entering the ordained ministry.
This He did through a pastor, a missionary and a leader of the church. Her mother, who had once objected to Lilian going full-time, gave her daughter her blessings when told of her decision. In fact, her mother asked her why she had taken such a long-time to decide to become a pastor!
Checking and verifying were part of Lilian’s thoroughness as an accountant. Without doubt, this was God’s servant attuned to her Creator’s will.
A Church of Many Firsts
FFMC is close to Pastor Lilian’s heart for many reasons.
It was here, her home church where she first started to lead Bible study. She had been invited by an FFMC member, an auditor, to join the Bible study group which she was leading. At one of the weekly sessions, this auditor informed the group that she could not possibly be leading them all the time. In short, she encouraged them to groom or reproduce Bible study leaders, instilling upon them the principle behind 2 Timothy 2:2– “And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others.”(NIV) With that, Pastor Lilian started her journey as a Bible study leader.
Her next role in FFMC was as PTM from 1993-2000, a training ground of sorts as she waited for confirmation for ordained ministry. She was assigned to women’s and youth ministries, missions, did home blessings, and preached, etc. – very much the total package normally handled by a pastor.
When she next rejoined FFMC in 2010, it was as Pastor in charge (PIC)! She confessed – “I still did not desire the posting; this church never had a female pastor5 before, let alone one as PIC; being appointed to a church accustomed to male leaders was not only difficult but scary”.
But she plucked up courage for the role, part of which came from the ten years of experience she had gained from being first ordained at age 42, to when she was posted to FFMC at 52. In her words, “I felt stable”.
She forged ahead, consulting with as many church leaders she could meet with to hear out their plans. FFMC being her home church worked to her advantage – “Thankfully, some of the leaders were my peers (same baptism cohort); some I already knew in MYAF in my younger days”. There was also an advantage to being a lady pastor – “I could minister more effectively to ladies who could share intimate details of their struggles with me”.
What she called stability translated to a strategy whereupon she worked closely with the core lay leadership (LCEC chair and lay leaders) towards the vision of the church (to be a disciple-making church). Being a part of a number of administrative committees helped her see the big picture.
Pastor Jason Phua who was Member on Trial (MOT) there in 2013-2016, has this to say about Pastor Lilian’s leadership style – “She seemed to work well under pressure from the leadership. Sure, she was stressed but that’s a part of leadership and I think she accepted it. The leadership wanted to steer the church in a certain direction and some were also cautious about female leadership. Overall, I think she maintained her effectiveness and posture as PIC well.”
In particular, Pastor Jason appreciates Pastor Lilian’s empowerment of leaders – “She allowed me to spearhead the disciple-making movement in FFMC, a key role; something which she thought I could do better. For that, it really takes a lot of humility and I deeply respect her for it”.
On Pastor Lilian as a female pastor and PIC, Pastor Jason echoes what Pastor Lilian herself sees as an advantage – “she provided good pastoral ministry caring for ladies in need such as single mothers and ladies who were on long term medical treatment”.
It was also at FFMC that Pastor Lilian had the privilege to participate in the growth of the ministry to Chinese nationals (CNs), an initiative that started in 2007 before she arrived as PIC.
As PIC, at the height of the period when FFMC was a magnet for the foreign workers, she administered monthly Holy Communion, and baptised them – up to ten to fifteen each month. Efforts to help them ranged from ferrying them in buses to bring them from their dormitories to church. When the numbers dwindled, the church gave out MRT EZ-link cards to help them offset expenses for transportation to get to church. The church also gave financial aid to injured workers, etc. FFMC even started a Sunday evening service for Bangladeshi workers. Exciting times indeed.
Another first during her stint as FFMC’s PIC was her appointment as District Superintendent (DS) from 2014 to 2017. She values highly this opportunity – “I am encouraged by the churches in District Four for their willingness to share and optimise on the use of their resources– being in close proximity to one another and reaching out to the larger community in the schools. I am honoured to have served alongside very senior pastors (Rev Melvin Huang and Rev Edmund De Souza) who have much wisdom to offer as fellow DSes”.
Getting Comfortable in Out-of-comfort Zones
Initially, it seemed that Pastor Lilian was being led into events that were unsuited to her outlook in life, and to what she thought God wanted her to accomplish.
One of the two companies she had helped set up was CCL Publications Pte Ltd, which comprised regular deputation work for churches to help raise funds for ministry in East Asia. Looking back, Lilian realised that this was something she had always wanted to do even when she was a theological student, and subsequently as a staff in her home church.3
Then, there was a time when she was invited to start a child care centre with two mature Christians while she was serving at FFMC. She was excited by the potential joint venture, and she was ready to pump in the capital. Yet she was also very afraid, as she had practically no experience at all. But the venture did not materialise as the group failed in the interview with the relevant authorities.
Pastor Lilian concluded then that “God had other plans for me”.
This He certainly did, in a part of her life that brought her close to young children of a particular age group.
As Pastor in charge (PIC) of FFMC from 2010 to 2016, she frequently had to speak at the assembly of the church kindergarten. Here she found many opportunities to interact with the young children, something she missed out on when the child care centre venture fell through. She knew that this was a God-led opportunity in order to gain experiences for later on in her life.
Actually, her maternal instincts and love for children had been awakened way before this. In 1982, she started sponsoring two boys (in their forties today,) and a girl, through World Vision. At Mothers’ Choice, a home for abandoned babies in Hong Kong, which Lilian was visiting with a friend who had adopted a baby there, she cradled a baby, and remembered feeling: “this is a baby who has probably not been carried or hugged often enough.”
Then there is the Girls’ Brigade (GB). While still a theological student in 1992, she was appointed Acting Captain of the 8th Singapore Company of the Girls’ Brigade. After completing the Basic Officers Training Course (BOTC), she was commissioned as Lieutenant and appointed Captain of the same 8th GB company at Keppel Primary School.
While most officers are typically commissioned in their twenties, Pastor Lilian was commissioned only in her thirties, as she felt she had to be ready for the responsibilities that came with the job. She took on the spiritual aspect of the training4, teaching the girls how to fast, did devotions, and sometimes coming up with materials related to devotions.
Even when schools in the FFMC area closed down, there was continued enthusiasm among her Non-Commissioned Officers (NCOs) to scout for schools in the Bishan and Ang Mo Kio areas to explore starting up GB companies. Lilian felt very privileged to have been part of this enthusiastic team.
She remembers fondly her feelings about her GB involvement then– “Surprisingly, I found myself enjoying the ministry among girls from six different primary schools. It gives me great joy to have my own NCOs who helped me run the primary section, coming to me to start a senior section for GB”.
With church support, Pastor Lilian together with the NCOs pioneered a GB company at Bishan Park Secondary School. Just before she left FFMC in July 2000, she also helped kick-start the 53rd GB company at Zhangde Primary School.
She feels a great responsibility towards her GB work. She describes the huge amount of work involved in starting a GB in a school, as it requires support and partnership from church, school (committed Christian teachers) and people on the ground such as officers. She has seen first hand how many GB girls find the Lord, and later go on to serve Him in different capacities. Sadly, she laments though, that forming a GB company in a school today is more difficult, and more so, to sustain it.
Pastor Lilian has been the GB National Chaplain of the GB since 2014. Chow Yuen Peng, Commissioned Officer of the 6th GB company, attests to Pastor Lilian’s contributions to GB this way: “She acts out the mission “every GB girl a leader, and every officer a servant leader” not loudly but in her own way, in the way she supports work in/for GB, in her support for GB events and in the way she leads, as Captain in the early days, and even in the limited capacity as National Chaplain”.
She finds it commendable that Pastor Lilian is respectful of the school personnel she works with, understanding of the ground sentiment that they work in, and mindful that sowing the seed in GB lies the forming of relationships, not in just pushing Christian ethics through.
Since 2017, Yuen Peng has also served with Pastor Lilian in WMC’s pastoral care ministry. This was the ministry which Pastor Lilian was assigned upon her re-appointment to the church. She attests to Pastor Lilian’s passion – “Pastor Lilian has a heart for God’s people. This I can see in each visitation I accompany her to, when I see how she is very responsive to people who need to encounter God when time is of the essence – opportunities that Pastor Lilian seizes by coming alongside them, opportunities, if missed, would result in some leaving this world unsaved; even during the pandemic, when a family is ready to accept Christ, she would make last-minute changes to her full schedule to attend to their needs. It has been a beautiful partnership where we both walked close with the Lord to do all for His kingdom”.
Of both areas that Yuen Peng worked closely with Pastor Lilian in, she has this to say– “Pastor Lilian works hard, is organised, task-oriented, and does not micro-manage; she trusts those whom she works with, and does the job quietly and in her own way”.
Today, Pastor Lilian preaches fluently in Mandarin. One would never have guessed that this was not always the case. Her first encounter with sharing the gospel in Mandarin took place at a critical moment. “I was just five months after I became a minister-on-trial (MOT). I had to share the gospel in Mandarin, and to lead the person to Christ before baptising him in hospital. I remember the joy I felt in witnessing this soul coming to know the Lord.”
In 2017, Pastor Lilian was encouraged by a senior Mandarin Ministry (MM) congregant to preach in Mandarin. Venturing outside her comfort zone was something that Pastor Lilian was familiar with. She went headlong into the process. Still, it was a steep learning curve for her. When she first started to preach in Mandarin, she would compose her sermon in English and have it translated into a script in Chinese that she needed to rehearse that could take somewhere from four to six hours to get through.
Yet along the way, she also found that the Mandarin translated did not match the nuances of what she wished to communicate. This then required a lot of going back and forth between her and the translator to finetune the sermon to get the intended message through that would not sound ‘foreign’ when delivered in Mandarin.
Determined to master the language, she started using the audio Bible to learn the Mandarin vocabulary, in order to capture more accurately the meaning she intended.
She said of the switch she made to using Mandarin to preach: “It taught me to connect with others apart from those who use English as their vernacular. It was tough going but it’s well worth it as the congregants are listening to a sermon in their own language.”
Today, Pastor Lilian oversees the Mandarin Ministry (MM) and conducts wake services, and ministers to the home-bound in Mandarin. The PTM for this ministry, Alice Hsieh looks up to Pastor Lilian’s leadership, and says: “She has a godly and loving heart for the Lord and a prayer life close to God. This helps her better serve the Lord and shepherd the flock.
“As pastor in charge of MM, she is a very dedicated and competent leader, who is careful in everything, and also gives considerable affirmation and encouragement to her subordinates; as her subordinate, I am happy because she always reminds me to take care of my health! She is also a very caring shepherd and often visits people in need of care.”
Making a Difference to the Body of Christ – in and outside church
Another effort that Pastor Lilian involves herself in to keep close to God and to lead others to do the same is the Walk to Emmaus spiritual programme6. Going by her intense involvement in this movement, it is clear she believes in its efficacy in developing believers as disciples. She says of it – “This programme has deepened my understanding of God’s grace and what it means to be an authentic disciple of Christ”.
Since it was brought to Singapore in 2000, she has been involved in it, either as Spiritual Director or as speaker. She has been Board member of the Emmaus Steering Committee, and Community Assistant Spiritual Director, both since 2008, and serves on the TRAC Emmaus Committee. Additionally, she sponsors pastors or spiritually mature brothers- and sisters-in-Christ to join the yearly programme, to encourage Christians to serve.
Lim Soo Huat, Service Manager of MM, whom Pastor Lilian sponsored to the Emmaus Walk in 2022, has this to say about his experience:
“I had always looked upon my role in MM as a job, much like how I viewed my career as a Quality Consultant before I retired. It was purely adhoc work for me. Over the 72-hour experience, I was somehow led to see the team I was in developing into an organism for survival, bonding, looking after each other, etc. –I saw the pilgrims before and after the programme– they changed so drastically, it was amazing!
“I set the target to make my service count, to give glory to God; I wasn’t only coordinating the different parts of the service so it was well-organised, it was to make it one that people could come to to meet God, and to accept Him.”
Another pilgrim is Shermaine Tang who has known Pastor Lilian for some 17 years. She knew Pastor Lilian as FFMC’s first lady Pastor-in-Charge, serving alongside her as ex-officio of Yong-en Care Centre, the church’s community arm. And she knows Pastor Lilian as Spiritual Director for the Walk to Emmaus to which the latter invited her to participate in both as a pilgrim and on the serving team of different Walks. She says of Pastor Lilian in all these multifarious roles:
“As a faithful shepherd and Spiritual Director, Reverend Lilian Ang exemplifies the principles of agape love in her interactions with others. Her selfless dedication to caring for her flock, her unwavering commitment to guiding pilgrims on their spiritual journeys, and her deep well of compassion all reflect her deep love for God and His divine love overflowing in and through her.
“The attentive, caring, gentle, others-centered ways that she serves in, spurs us on to keep a close walk with the Lord.
“A trait that I have observed in Reverend Lilian is her patience and self-control – I have not seen her lose her cool, no matter how challenging the circumstances. It also reflects her deep trust in our sovereign God who is in full control of all”.
Pastor Lilian’s parting shot? “It has been close to 24 years since I joined the ordained ministry. So far, no regrets!”.
Retired since end 2023 at age 65, Pastor Lilian seemed to have just started – loving preaching in Mandarin. And no less, preaching in the other services in her new-found way of preparing for sermons – “I used to read up a lot, commentaries included, to make sure what I say is theologically sound; these days, I prefer to read different versions of the assigned verse, including the version from the Bible in Chinese, with less reliance from commentaries but with a further focus on application”.
May God grant Pastor Lilian continued years at His feet, devoted to her faith passions – teaching and preaching – and to whatever He still has in store for her.